Grandma Joni’s Second Journey in Parenting
After Raising Four Children, I’m Learning About Childhood All Over Again
I have lived in the United States for more than 40 years. I raised four children, watched them grow into adults, and have spent many years working with children and families in education.
I thought I understood children pretty well.
And then, at 66, I found myself caring for a four-year-old again.
Suddenly, my days once again included getting a little one ready in the morning, preparing meals, going to preschool, answering endless questions, and figuring out what a four-year-old might be thinking.
And I began to notice something surprising: the grandmother I am today is not quite the same as the mother I was more than 30 years ago.
When I Was a Mother
When my own children were young, life was busy. I was raising four children while working and building a life in this country. There was always somewhere to go and something that needed to be done.
I probably said “Hurry up” more times than I can remember.
I wanted my children to learn, behave well, become independent, and be prepared for the future. Like many parents, I worried about whether I was doing enough for them.
Seeing Childhood Differently
Today, I find myself looking at childhood differently.
When my grandson stops during a walk because he notices a bug, I am more willing to stop with him. When he asks “Why?” again and again, I try to listen for the question behind the question. When he takes longer to do something himself, I am learning not to immediately step in and help.
It isn’t because becoming a grandmother suddenly made me more patient. I’m still learning patience.
Perhaps the difference is simply that, after all these years, I am beginning to understand that not everything needs to happen so quickly.
A Different Question
As an educator, I have spent years thinking about what children need to learn. As a grandmother, I find myself asking a slightly different question:
“What does a child need in order to grow into someone who can live, think, wonder, make decisions, and find his own way in the world?”
I don’t have all the answers.
This journal is not meant to be a parenting textbook, and I am not writing it to tell other parents how to raise their children. It is simply a place for me to share what I am noticing as a mother of four, an educator, and now a grandmother who has been given another opportunity to see childhood up close.
My Second Journey in Parenting
At 66, I am not starting over.
I am simply bringing who I am today to the experience of walking alongside another child as he grows.
And perhaps that is what my “second journey in parenting” really means.
Not that I know more.
But that after traveling this far, I am finally more comfortable saying:
I’m still learning, too. 🌱
— Grandma Joni
Mother of four. Grandmother. Educator. Still learning.
Joni 奶奶的第二次育儿旅程
养育了四个孩子之后，我又开始重新认识童年
我已经在美国生活了四十多年。我养育了四个孩子，看着他们一个个长大成人，也在教育领域工作了许多年，陪伴过许多孩子和家庭的成长。
我曾以为，自己已经很了解孩子了。
然而，到了66岁，我又一次开始照顾一个四岁的孩子。
突然之间，我的日常生活又回到了熟悉的节奏：早晨帮小家伙准备出门、做饭、送他去幼儿园、回答一个又一个没完没了的问题，还要不断琢磨，一个四岁的孩子的小脑袋里究竟在想些什么。渐渐地，我发现了一件让我有些意外的事：今天的我，作为奶奶，和三十多年前那个做妈妈的自己，已经不太一样了。
当年，身为母亲的我
当我的四个孩子还小的时候，生活总是忙忙碌碌的。那时，我一边工作，一边养育四个孩子，还要努力在这个国家建立自己的生活。每天总有去不完的地方、做不完的事情。我想，我当年说过的“快一点！”恐怕多得连自己都数不清了。我希望孩子们能够好好学习、懂规矩、学会独立，也希望他们为将来的生活做好准备。和许多父母一样，我也常常担心：自己为孩子做得够不够？是不是还有什么地方没有做好？
用不一样的眼光看童年
如今，我开始用不同的眼光来看待童年。散步时，当孙子因为发现一只小虫子而停下脚步，我更愿意陪着他一起停下来看看。当他一遍又一遍地问“为什么？”时，我会试着去听懂，在这些问题背后，他真正好奇的是什么。当他想自己完成一件事，却花了比预期更长的时间时，我也正在学习，不要急着伸手替他完成。这并不是说，当了奶奶以后，我突然就变得特别有耐心了。其实，我也还在学习如何更有耐心。也许，真正的不同只是，走过这么多年以后，我开始慢慢明白：原来，并不是每一件事，都需要那么着急。
开始问自己一个不同的问题
作为一名教育工作者，这些年来，我花了很多时间思考：孩子需要学习什么？而现在，作为奶奶，我发现自己开始思考另一个稍有不同的问题：“一个孩子究竟需要什么，才能慢慢成长为一个懂得生活、能够独立思考、保有好奇心、敢于做决定，并找到自己人生方向的人？”
对于这个问题，我并没有所有的答案。这本成长手记，并不是一本育儿教科书。我也不是想告诉其他父母，应该如何教育自己的孩子。我只是希望有一个小小的空间，记录和分享自己一路走来的观察与感受。作为四个孩子的母亲，作为一名教育工作者，如今又成为了奶奶，我有幸获得了另一次机会，能够近距离地陪伴一个孩子成长，重新感受童年的点点滴滴。
我的第二次育儿旅程
66岁的我，并不是要重新开始。我只是带着今天的自己，带着这些年来积累的经历、体会与思考，再一次陪伴一个孩子，慢慢长大。也许，这就是我所说的“第二次育儿旅程”真正的意义。
并不是因为我懂得更多了。而是走过了这么长的人生旅程之后，我终于能够更加坦然地说：
原来，我也还在学习。🌱
—— Joni 奶奶
四个孩子的母亲。奶奶。教育工作者。依然在学习的路上。